Monday, September 22, 2008

España es muy sexy

Another blog I wrote for

I know that I'm late to this whole McCain-Spain controversy thing, but that's because I've been taking a siesta. A wonderful, long siesta, which followed a wine-soaked paella lunch. This is just a typical Wednesday for me as I am now subscribing to a Spanish lifestyle. Why? Because Spain is a winner, and it boils my fiery, passionate Mediterranean blood to hear that McCain would refuse to meet with the Spanish Presidente or Prime Minister or Jefe or whatever. Spain is a winner and our country should befriend winners. Look at tennis star Rafael Nadal winning everything and having great hair. Also, lest we forget, Spainish futbol, that's soccer to you, won the Euro Cup this year. They also have great hair, by the way. Spain takes on those animal jerks, that's what I call bulls, and totally beats them, like every day. Spaniards also invented tapas and Pan's Labryinth. However, in case that doesn't convince you, Spain has no words to their National Anthem!! How amazing is that? They never experience embarrassing gaffes during major sporting events and fifth graders don't have to memorize lyrics that make no sense to them. If Spain's National Anthem did have lyrics, they'd probably go something like this:
Oh Spain, you are so sexy.
Flamenco is our dance and it is sexy.
Also sexy are our tiny snacks we call tapas.
We wear tight pants and sequins when we kill bulls.
Because we are sexy.
Spain Spain Spain.
You want to kick this country out of bed, McCain? Not sexy.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Cake Shop

Anyone who knows me knows that my favorite food is cake. Specifically, white cake with white (or pink) frosting from the now defunct Your Just Desserts in West Hartford, CT. Frosting flowers are also enjoyed (by me). As YJD does not exist in NYC, nay, at all, I am left to find other cake-ing options. Yes, yes, we all know of Magnolia, which is great. And I know I've said this before, but if you either vehemently defend or attack the deliciousness of a cupcake, as people so often do in regards to Magnolia, you need to get your priorities straight. It's a cupcake, get over it, it's going to be amazing anyway you slice it.

Anyway, you can't sit down at Magnolia or it's sister, Billy's Bakery. However, at one shining beacon on the Lower East Side, across the street from my apartment, you can, and it's called, of all things, Cake Shop. I'm going to skip the fact that it's pretentious and hipster and I think it's supposed to be British 'cause they serve tea and Marmite and maybe because of this "cakes" means many more things than just my white on white cake, like, savoury items as well. See, I just wrote the English spelling of savoury.

Despite, or because of all those things, you can take a seat- you always have your own table because it's never crowded-or a couch if you prefer, and just hang. I like to write there. There's always an outlet handy and I eat scones. Yes, scones. You can also have a slice of cake, a cupcake or other delicious baked goods that involve saying the word vegan.

However, what I've been trying to get to and the BEST thing about Cake Shop is that it also doubles as a music venue downstairs. Because of this, the people who work there know their shit about music and EVERY TIME I go there I fall in love with another song that I don't know, I google the lyrics, and BAM I've found my new favorite band/song of the week/month/year. So here are a couple of Cake Shop discovery songs that I listen to on repeat.

"Higher Ground" by The Feelies (This is the song that started my love affair with Cake Shop music)
"Crazy Rhythms" by The Feelies
"Crazy" by Galaxie 500
"Final Day" by Young Marble Giants
"Black Eye" by Uncle Tupelo
"Milky Way" by Syd Barrett

It should be mentioned that The Last Shadow Puppets also performed a secret show there that I saw, and that the first time I heard "The Age of the Understatement" and "In the Heat of the Morning," which lead me to download the original Bowie version which is quite splendid indeed. I also have a creepy high school type crush on Alex Turner, but that's neither here nor there.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Si Si, Batman

This is the last part of an episode of Batman and Robin, you know, the 60's TV show with Adam West as Batman. The episode is called "The Purr-Fect Crime" and I recommend watching the first two parts as well, but I just wanted to highlight probably one of my favorite, if not my favorite line of all time. I don't know when I first watched it, but I was pretty young and, well, it just stuck with me. The line is towards the top, and the clip is pretty long, but I'll just say as a hint that it's the exchange between Batman and Robin about the benefits of knowing foreign languages that gets me.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Delicious PB and J

My goodness I am thoroughly enjoying the new Peter Bjorn and John album, Seaside Rock. It's mostly instrumental, except for when old Swedish people come on and talk. It sounds like I'm listening to a Swedish book on tape, and that's oddly comforting in some weird way. The fact that I enjoy it makes me feel like I'd be the kind of person who would enjoy Bergman films (I am not, but I wish I were. But I'm glad that I can pretentiously reference Bergman.) Actually, of the spoken word songs one actively annoys me, and that's where an old lady speaks on Norrlands Riviera. I can't get through it.

One song in particular, School of Kraut, rocks my world. It's the best walking down the street song. I feel like I'm some sort of Seventies swinging Swedish person (oh how I wish I really were) and I walk with longer strides and a bounce in my step, randomly high five-ing strangers. Actually a lot of songs make me think that the 70's in Sweden must've just been the bees knees, like Needles and Pins (I have no evidence that these songs are influenced by the 70's or anything, it's just what it makes me think of). It's just happy making and that's what PB and J do best. Yeah, they're long haired indie rockers, but I think they escape being precious and annoying and make really amazing songs. They're better than a lot of bands, but they keep it light, Barcelona in particular is a really beautiful song. Anyway, I thought that I'd be put off by the instrumental spoken word aspect, but let me tell you, friend, this is a great album and from now on whenever I want to punch my cat in the face to let out my anger at this effing election, I'll put this on.

Monday, September 15, 2008

I'm Boycotting the News

Never have I been this depressed about politics. Yeah, big news, we all are. But every time I read an article about Sarah Palin or John McCain's flailing, ugly politics I want to punch someone in the face. New York is a highly populated city and I live with four other people and two cats. So I'd hate to punch one of them in the face, especially a cat because my fist is bigger than their face so I'd also probably punch a bit of their neck. And cats aren't to blame for this. It's those damn dogs and their lipsticks. So, goodbye news, until you can tell me something good, I'm going to live in blissful ignorance like they did 4,000 years ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth in harmony amongst us.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

My Book for Freezies!

John Warner, my fantastic editor, has come up with a brilliant scheme to give away the books on TOW press for free. Obviously my book is not a bestseller (It's not Eat, Pray, Love. If you thought that it was, I'm sorry.) But I'm so proud of it, and to be a part of TOW, that I want as many people as possible to read it. I long ago reconciled myself to the fact that I was not going to make my fortune off of this book. Clearly my millions will be made in some sort of elaborate heist that I engineer in Uruguay. I'll bet that I had that advanced philosophy even whilst writing said book, but what am I, a mind reader of my own mind? Anywho, this giving away shit for free strategy brings me that much closer to Radiohead. Therefore, I am GLAD and PROUD and feel like a RAINBOW and not at all gay. Here's the link for your for freezies copy of my book:


Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Willow and Pig Fucking: What I Know About Politics

I've been blogging for this political comedy site,, (Some of the news, most of the time) which is part of The Huffington Post. Here are my two entries to date:

Why Isn't Anyone Talking About Willow Palin's Baby?

At age 14 Willow single-handedly took care of an orphan baby and faced incredible danger transporting this baby on foot in the Alaskan wilds to safety. This baby's name was Elora Dannon and the evil Queen Bavmorda with all of her powers needed to destroy this baby to protect her terror-filled reign. Willow, with the help of her friend Meegosh, the traveling swordsman Madmartigan, and some wood pixies called Brownies, brought this child to safety while risking incredible danger. But, no, you won't hear about Willow Palin from the news media. All you hear about is Bristol and Trig and Mims and Ranon and possibly sometimes Track. Willow is the unsung hero in the Palin family and we would do her well to remember that, even if our biased press does not.

Putting Lipstick On A Pig Makes It More Fuckable

What is the most delicious food?
Correct, it is bacon.
Where does bacon come from?
No, not ponies. Bacon comes from pigs.
Now, what could possibly make pigs even more attractive?
Well, as we all know from Looney Toons, whenever an animal puts on lipstick it immediately comes very fuckable, even if it's a dude.
So, tell me Obama, why, why WHY would you compare the McCain campaign to putting lipstick on a pig?
It just makes me want to fuck it more.
Now I just want to smother my body in bacon grease and fuck the McCain campaign.
So hard. So very hard.
Excuse me.

The Inspiration

However, I did want to name this blog "Flames on the Side of My Face (dot blogspot dot com)" but it was already taken by some show pony! Anyway, here's why: